I’ve wrestled this week as to what to write about. Usually, the story comes to me as a sort of assignment. I will wake up with the story on my mind. Or a verse will come at me and keep at me until I find a story to go with it.
Well, this week, I’ve got nothing.
No assignments.
No inspiration.
No assignments.
No inspiration.
But the 
thing most on my mind this week is my firstborn daughter, Jen. You see, I found out Christmas day that my daughter, Jen, is expecting my first grandchild. And I can’t help but think back on my pregnancy with Jen.
thing most on my mind this week is my firstborn daughter, Jen. You see, I found out Christmas day that my daughter, Jen, is expecting my first grandchild. And I can’t help but think back on my pregnancy with Jen.
When my first child was born, I expected a daughter. I was so sure it was going to be a girl that after 37 hours of labor, that when I was delirious with exhaustion, they told me “It’s a boy!” I actually asked, “Are you sure?” (Okay, not one of my most intelligent moments, but in my defense I was falling asleep between contractions – which were two minutes apart – and I was finally medicated!)
When my little
Nicholas was 15 months old, I went on a resume campaign. Not for me, but for my husband, Eddie, who was working at Loma Linda’s farm at the time. He had finally finished the requirements for his teaching credentials and was qualified for his first teaching assignment.
Nicholas was 15 months old, I went on a resume campaign. Not for me, but for my husband, Eddie, who was working at Loma Linda’s farm at the time. He had finally finished the requirements for his teaching credentials and was qualified for his first teaching assignment.
So I told him he would get a job if I had anything to say about it. I actually got a church directory and sent a resume to every single church school in North America. You see, we had decided it was time for baby number two. But there was no way we could afford it until he got a job with medical insurance. So I was on a mission for many reasons.
But the demand for P.E. or Bible teachers in the church schools was not great. In fact, the only bite we got was for a teacher/pastor combination for a small school and church in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada. (Okay, that’s not the name of the place, but it was so small I can’t remember now.)
I really didn’t think it was our calling, but if Eddie had wanted to take it, I'd have gladly gone. I was just hoping he wouldn't want to take it.
For one, I never could have pictured myself as a pastor’s wife. I didn’t play the piano; I hated wearing nylons and just didn’t think I was pastor's wife material. And secondly, I couldn’t really see Eddie as a pastor, even though he had been a religion major in college.
And thirdly, I definitely didn’t want to live in the middle of the barren Nevada desert.
Looking back, the number one reason I think we were not qualified for the job is that I can never imagine Eddie as a pastor. But hind sight is 20/20. I cannot associate the Eddie of now with that zealous defender of God’s word that I knew back then. At the time, he was a very strong believer in everything the church and Bible stood for.
So w
hen he was finally offered a job at San Gabriel, I was thrilled. Not that I was eager to move into the city, but it sure beat the wilderness of Nowhere, Nevada. And it meant that we could begin planning for baby #2.
hen he was finally offered a job at San Gabriel, I was thrilled. Not that I was eager to move into the city, but it sure beat the wilderness of Nowhere, Nevada. And it meant that we could begin planning for baby #2.
To be safe, we had to wait until August to become pregnant so they couldn’t call it a pre-existing condition.
You see, getting pregnant for me was never a challenge. I was what they called a Fertile Myrtle. I could get pregnant just thinking about it. In fact, I had Nick nine months and six days after we decided to have our first baby.
You see, getting pregnant for me was never a challenge. I was what they called a Fertile Myrtle. I could get pregnant just thinking about it. In fact, I had Nick nine months and six days after we decided to have our first baby.
So baby #2 was in the plan, and I was going to get pregnant in August of 1985. That was the plan – a plan of which I had absolutely no doubt.
That s
ummer Eddie got a job up at Camp Cedar Falls in the San Bernardino mountains. So we packed up our belongings (which weren’t many after living in a house that was 20’ by 20’!) and put them in storage while we lived up at camp all summer. Free room and board! And to make it better, they asked me to run the office. I could bring Nick with me (and everyone just loved playing with him down there in headquarters), and I’d get a paycheck too!
ummer Eddie got a job up at Camp Cedar Falls in the San Bernardino mountains. So we packed up our belongings (which weren’t many after living in a house that was 20’ by 20’!) and put them in storage while we lived up at camp all summer. Free room and board! And to make it better, they asked me to run the office. I could bring Nick with me (and everyone just loved playing with him down there in headquarters), and I’d get a paycheck too!
We stayed in the house way up at the top of camp (the camp is built on the mountainside, so everything is built along winding switchbacks of sorts.) I would hike down to headquarters in the morning with Nickle on one hip. And hike back up again after dinner, straight up a few hundred yards, again with Nickle on my hip.
Part of my job as headquarter offi
ce manager that summer included driving up to the highway daily (about a half of a mile up the mountain side) to pick up the mail. And they insisted their insurance wouldn’t cover me if I drove my car, so I had to ride a motor cycle. Not my first choice, but rules are rules....
ce manager that summer included driving up to the highway daily (about a half of a mile up the mountain side) to pick up the mail. And they insisted their insurance wouldn’t cover me if I drove my car, so I had to ride a motor cycle. Not my first choice, but rules are rules....
So I learned to ride a 
motorcycle. And while Nickle took his morning nap, I mounted my motorcycle and rode to the top of the hill. Then I packed the bag of mail onto the back of the bike and rode back down again, switching this way and that with each hairpin turn of the road.
motorcycle. And while Nickle took his morning nap, I mounted my motorcycle and rode to the top of the hill. Then I packed the bag of mail onto the back of the bike and rode back down again, switching this way and that with each hairpin turn of the road.
Well, the first Thursday in July (it was the 3rd of July) I got to the top of the hill and found an especially unwieldy bag of mail. I balanced it carefully on the back of my motorcycle and started down the hill. Coming around the second to the last sharp turn, I was startled when a coyote ran across the road.
To make a long story short, I crashed the bike, ripped up my knee, and wound up in the urgent care office down the mountain in Yucaipa.
The radiology tech asked if there was any cha
nce I was pregnant and I said, “No,” and then reconsiders. “Well, there’s a small chance, but probably not. But let’s just play it safe.”
nce I was pregnant and I said, “No,” and then reconsiders. “Well, there’s a small chance, but probably not. But let’s just play it safe.”
So out came the lead apron. And thank goodness. Turns out I was wrong. I was pregnant.
(But it's only fair that I crashed a motorcycle when I was pregnant with Jen. I got bucked off a horse early in my pregnancy with Nick!)
But back to the motorcycle crash.... They found no breaks, stitched me up, gave me a huge brace to immobilize my leg and sent me back up the hill. That ended my career as office manager.
Nor could I m
anage to climb up and down the hill with Nickle on my hip at all. So I went to stay with friends at Angelus Oaks three miles down the road from camp.
About a week later on the way to camp, winding in and out along the curves of Highway 38, I suddenly became so nauseous and violently ill that I made Marlene pull over.
anage to climb up and down the hill with Nickle on my hip at all. So I went to stay with friends at Angelus Oaks three miles down the road from camp.
And I barely got out of the car before I was retching violently on the nearest turn out. It couldn’t be anything I ate. Marlene joked about me being pregnant, and I just laughed at her. I’d never been sick a single day when I was pregnant with Nick.
Well, every day for the next four months I threw up each morning shortly after getting out of bed. And so we found out (two weeks before any pregnancy test could have told us) that baby #2 was on the way.
And early Saturday morning of March 29, 1986, I went into labor. Unlike Nickle, Jen didn’t take so long in labor. She was a regular thirteen hour labor and finally they said, “It’s a girl!” My beautiful, angry Jen came into the world. And when she cried, the large birthmarks on her forehead and the nape of her neck turned bright red.
Everybody thought it funny, as she grew up, that she had such a visible anger-gauge to let the world know when she was mad – which was often.
Everybody thought it funny, as she grew up, that she had such a visible anger-gauge to let the world know when she was mad – which was often.
They whisked her off to be cleaned up and do an APGAR test, etc. But I was filled with a sudden knowledge (not fear; knowledge) that something about her lungs was wrong. I kept telling the doctors and nurses who thought I was crazy. They all chocked it up to post-delivery, hormonal imbalance.
Well, it wasn’t until she was fifteen months old that my intense, sudden knowledge of respiratory problems made sense. It was something only a mother could know so intensely at the moment of birth. My beautiful, tempestuous, baby girl came down with terrible asthma. Something that haunted her all throughout her childhood, sending us to the emergency room more times than I can remember.
A precoc
ious child, she learned to walk at seven months (when she decided crawling just wasn’t for her after less than a month of it.) Whereas Nickle had been very quiet and mellow and undemanding, Jen was fiery and brave and opinionated.
ious child, she learned to walk at seven months (when she decided crawling just wasn’t for her after less than a month of it.) Whereas Nickle had been very quiet and mellow and undemanding, Jen was fiery and brave and opinionated. 
She was the fearless one, whether it was walking up to unknown dogs without fear, eating mud and bugs... you name it. The other kids always looked to her to try scary things first. She climbed on the furniture like a mountain goat and it’s a wonder she didn’t crash and burn a million times, but she didn’t.
She loved sto
ry time – but only if she could be the one to turn the pages. She loved it when I played the guitar and sang to them at bedtime, but refused to go to sleep. She insisted on standing up in her crib and bouncing up and down to the music. She was a picky eater (much like her mom) – other than the dirt and bug thing.
ry time – but only if she could be the one to turn the pages. She loved it when I played the guitar and sang to them at bedtime, but refused to go to sleep. She insisted on standing up in her crib and bouncing up and down to the music. She was a picky eater (much like her mom) – other than the dirt and bug thing.
But she was a stunning, dark, raven-haired beauty and people often asked if she was adopted. So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d grow up to be so different from me. She had her dad’s dark, good looks; she had her dad’s stubbornness and always had to have her way.
But though she was very petite as a youngster (she was only 45% on the growth scales, compared to Nickle who was 105% and Erin who was 95%), she did grow into her tall, short-waisted, long-legged body like her mother.
Despite her impetuous and strong-willed nature she
got from her dad, she did get some things from me – her dyslexia; her asthma; her beautiful, long, slender, Carson hands; her gifted creative ability; and her great, sharp sense of humor.
got from her dad, she did get some things from me – her dyslexia; her asthma; her beautiful, long, slender, Carson hands; her gifted creative ability; and her great, sharp sense of humor.
Like me, she has had 
more than her share of rough, unfair things thrown at her in her lifetime. And I know what that is like and how jaded it that can make you be.
I just hope that she can learn to get beyond those and find the peace that only God's love can bring. And the freedom that comes with that peace.
more than her share of rough, unfair things thrown at her in her lifetime. And I know what that is like and how jaded it that can make you be. I just hope that she can learn to get beyond those and find the peace that only God's love can bring. And the freedom that comes with that peace.
So though we are at odds for reasons I s
till don’t completely understand, she is still my beautiful firstborn daughter whom I love with all my heart. ...the baby girl that I stayed up with all night long, time after time, every time she was high on steroids for her asthma, and couldn’t sit still for more than ten seconds. The girl who snorkled and drank slurpees in Kauai. She has my love of the ocean and my love of children and babies.
till don’t completely understand, she is still my beautiful firstborn daughter whom I love with all my heart. ...the baby girl that I stayed up with all night long, time after time, every time she was high on steroids for her asthma, and couldn’t sit still for more than ten seconds. The girl who snorkled and drank slurpees in Kauai. She has my love of the ocean and my love of children and babies.
And I can’t help but wonder what her coming baby will have in common with its mother. (And its grandmother and aunt and uncle.) If it will be like her, all beautiful and fiery and obstinate, or someone quite altogether different. I pray that her little one will always be as close to her as I wished she was to me. And I pray that sh
e will never know the pain and loss of separation from that baby. I pray that it will be nothing but a blessing to her.
e will never know the pain and loss of separation from that baby. I pray that it will be nothing but a blessing to her.
Congratulations, Jen. I love you and I wish you and that little one nothing but happy moments and joy. And though you probably will never see this, I want you to know how much I love you.
And as we start a new year, a new decade, and a new generation for our family, maybe this new year will be a good chance for new beginnings for us all.
Mom
Liz Carson Rosas
1 January 2010
His (her) children are far from safety,
crushed in court without a defender. Job 5:4
crushed in court without a defender. Job 5:4
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children- Psalms 103:17
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children- Psalms 103:17
Children's children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:6
and parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:6
Even a child is known by his actions,
by whether his conduct is pure and right. Proverbs 20:11
by whether his conduct is pure and right. Proverbs 20:11
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death. Proverbs 23: 13,14
and save his soul from death. Proverbs 23: 13,14
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth- Isaiah 43:5,6
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. John 16:21
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13: 11-13
Only from a mothers heart. Liz thank you for sharing. I was away from my son for over five years. I never stopped praying or even contacting him. He has been back in my life for over a month now. I will continue to hold you and your daughter up in prayer. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteFaith
You are always a blessing and an inspiration. Please, lets pray for each other's daughters.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Robin