Shortcut to 1969

  I clicked “enter” and was booted right out of the web site.

Puzzled, I tried again.  I entered my screen name…, then followed with the password, taking special care not to make an error, to inadvertently touch any extra keys by mistake.

I typed the password..., 
“- - - k-r,” and then hit “enter.”  

Bam! 

Once again, I am abruptly and unceremoniously deposited elsewhere. 

With one touch of a key, I suddenly found myself banished to the world of psychedelic bell bottoms, the Beatles and free love!

The error message said:  “Your last login was January 1, 1969. You are not an active member. You must have an active account to access this site.”

“What do you mean, I can’t get in?!  What do you mean I’m not a member?!!”

“I do belong!  I DO belong!!  Take me back!!!”

"Take me back right now, I say!!!"

And they have their nerve!  Of all the places cyber space could have chosen to dump me, it had to be 1969 – back to that ten-year-old girl with fly-away gold hair that looks slightly unkempt, a torn shirt pocket (from getting beaten up in the school yard), and dinner for seven with a conspicuously empty seat at the end of the table where mommy used to sit. 

“You don’t belong!!!”  (1969 was a bad year.  Can you tell?)  ;)

But back to the computer screen.....  I’ve been working away at on-line tutorial lessons to learn a computer program to help out my old boss.

 

The lessons were pretty simple and easy to follow.  

(Though the man’s voice was irritatingly soft and girlie.) 

 I'd been going along and feeling pretty good about myself because I was understanding all of the complexities of the details.  

(I don't know whether it's the epilepsy or the medication they have me on, or just age, but my memory is just horrible these days.)

And I was going right along at a good pace, understanding it all, when I clicked "enter" to move on to the next section, and BAM! I was kicked right out of the site.

The instant unknown factor triggered a moment of complete confusion, and my memory shut down completely temporarily.  In that moment of panic, I did, for one split second, return to that little, insecure, helpless girl of 1969.

I didn't belong?  I wasn't allowed?  I was unwanted.  I was that little girl from 1969.  

Yes, I still have part of that little, wounded girl deep inside of me somewhere.  

  

But we all have a little of that wounded child in us.

For some, it might be that child who was always picked last for a game of dodge ball (back in a less-litigious era when kids were still actually allowed to play kickball at school!) 

Then the moment was gone.  I hadn't logged on since 1969? 

 

'69?!  Really?!  

Be serious!!  

The last time I logged on was with a laptop made by Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble?  Are you kidding me?!!

I called the number shown on the error page and spoke with a very friendly woman at customer support who found the 1969 message very funny.

She got everything all straightened out and got me back on line and I finished what I needed to do.  Of course, I knew I'd be able to get the work finished - almost without blinking.  

I'm a capable, intelligent adult, and have been able to learn just about every new task that has been set before me in this brief lifetime.  

(And there have been some doozies, let me tell you!)

So that's not the point.  The point is that split second.  It's all about that brief nanosecond of doubt.  

In that nanosecond of time, I actually did question my right to be on that site.  

Stupid, but I did.  I actually let self-doubt take over.

I would like to think I am not alone.  That I am not the only one out here in cyberland who is at least as smart as your average Joe who still questions their own judgement from time to time.

I don't care how high your IQ tests to be, or how many degrees you have behind your name - every one of us has a chink in our armor - an Achilles heel, if you like.  

There is some little crack in your facade that makes you vulnerable; that turns you back into that third-grader who accidentally peed their pants.  

Or the new kid in the cafeteria who tripped and dropped their lunch tray and went sprawling on top of it.  

Or the only one in high school who never kissed a guy (or girl.)  

Or the one in your speech class who got caught speechless midway through and completely forgot what to say next.

We all have some long-buried shame that is only too close to the surface wanting to rear its ugly head.  

Waiting for some stupid computer to make an imbecilic claim like, "You haven't logged on since 1969!" to hit our panic button; to make us question and doubt.  Even for the briefest moment.

That's all it takes, sometimes. Satan sits and wait... for one moment of self-doubt...to pounce; to turn us around and send us plummeting down a chute into uncertainty and insecurity.

So stand firm and know who you are.  Declare yourself, and don't let self-doubt get a foothold.  

1969 wasn't even all that pretty the first time around!  

You surely don't want to be sent back there - trust me!  :)

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."  -- Mark 9:24

The LORD is my light and my salvation—

   whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—

   of whom shall I be afraid?   -- Psalms 27:1

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered.  

“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 

‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not 

doubt in their heart but believes that what they 

say will happen, it will be done for them.  

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.   

                                      -- Mark 11:22-24